Can't You Do Anything Right?
by The Gun Slick
Summary: Hogan uses some hurtful words in the heat of anger after Carter and Newkirk fail to complete a simple mission. Which causes Carter to wonder about some things. (My first story! So excited!) For the 2014 Short Story Speedwriting Challenge.


**I want to give a big Thank You to my bate reader, Fortune Maiden for helping me with this! You are such a sweet person! **

**And, I just wanted to let you guys know that this is kind of an introduction to a longer story that I am working on right now, with the Big help of Belphegor, that should hopefully be out before too long! **

**Also, I wanted to thank Sgt. Moffitt, Snooky, and Abracadebra for their generous donations! And thank you Konarciq, for organizing this!**

**Please leave a review! I need to know how you guys like my writing so far. Constructive criticism is always helpful! Thanks a bunch for your time! ~GS~ **

**Disclaimer: I'm like Shultz, I hear Nothing! See Nothing! Know Nothing! and Own Nothing!**

(Wow… that was pretty long, sorry. But I had a lot to say I guess. So now without further ado… *Drum roll, please!*… The Story!)

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"Did you hear that?" Carter asked, pausing and looking back over his shoulder.

"No, Carter I didn't 'ear a thing." An irritated Newkirk replied. Carter had bugged him all nigh about hearing something and quite frankly it was getting old! "Get a move on Carter! We'll be late for roll call if you don't 'ury it up."

Carter hurried to catch up to Newkirk, who hadn't stopped walking at a brisk pace.

"Newkirk, I really did hear something!" Carter insisted.

"Shut up, Carter." Newkirk hissed over his shoulder.

"But Newkirk-"

"Carter! Just shut up and walk! It's all in your bleedin' 'ead!" Newkirk hissed a tad bit louder than he should have.

Both Newkirk and Carter froze and looked around frantically trying to see or hear anything that might be a patrol. Thankfully, after a few minutes Newkirk deemed it safe.

"Let's just get back to the Stalag quickly and quietly." Newkirk spoke in hushed tones as he started to walk again.

The past week had been very busy, London had sent out mission after mission, last night they had sent two missions in different cities.

And all this would have been okay, if everyone had gotten more than 3 hours of sleep a night.

And that Tinker Bell that Newkirk had so been looking forward to meeting had just insisted that they meet at 3:00 a.m. sharp, that only gave them under two hours to get there and back in time for roll call, which wasn't good because it took 45 minutes to get there and 45 minutes to get back that left them with 15 minutes with Tinker Bell and that would give them 15 minutes to be ready for roll call when they got back.

And after Burkhalter's unexpected visit yesterday, Klink had decided to double the guards. So to say everyone was on edge would be an understatement.

After a few minutes, the rustle of leaves made Newkirk stop again.

"Carter, did you 'ear that?" he whispered

Carter raised an eyebrow at his friend, who just a little while ago had told him it was his imagination.

Just then a twig snapped and both Carter and Newkirk turned quickly to try to find the source. But there was nothing there.

"Come on Carter, let's get out of 'ere." Newkirk started at a quick pace with Carter close behind him.

A bush to their left rustled and Newkirk stopped so quickly that Carter almost ran into him.

"There's something, or someone, following us Carter." Newkirk said.

Carter glanced over at Newkirk _~ No kidding? ~_ Something over by the bush caught his attention.

Newkirk was busy looking all around and didn't notice Carter move away from him.

Carter yelped as something jumped from the bush and landed on him, sending him flat on his back!

Newkirk spun around and drew his Luger… only to find a laughing Carter pinned to the ground by a large dog that was licking his face as if it was covered in peanut butter.

Newkirk let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding and put his gun away, shaking his head.

"Carter, get up." Newkirk told him

"I can't, he's too heavy." Replied a breathless Carter.

Newkirk rolled his eyes and went to pull the dog off Carter.

Carter set up and started petting the dog, who was wagging his tail and panting loudly

"Hey, this is one of the dogs from the Stalag!" Carter said happily "I wonder how he got loose?"

"I don't know but the guards are probably looking for him. We 'ad better go, we'll be late." Newkirk helped Carter up and told the dog to stay, which thankfully it did, thanks to LeBeau's training. And they started off again.

They were almost back to the false tree stump when Carter tripped over a tree root and fell into Newkirk, knocking them both to the ground. "Carter you bleedin' idiot! Watch where you're going!" Newkirk hissed quietly.

"I'm sorry Newkirk! I-I….I…" Carter wore a worried look as he patted his pockets "It's gone!" he exclaimed in a whisper.

"What's gone?!" Newkirk whispered back.

"The microfilm we got from Tinker Bell!"

"You lost it! Carter, you clumsy fool!" Newkirk searched the ground where they had landed.

"It's not 'ere. What are we going to tell the Gov'nor?" Newkirk was furious now. _~Can't Carter do anything right!?~_ He stood up and brushed the leaves and twigs from his black clothing and glared at the still searching Carter.

"Come on Carter, it's not there. We had better get back before roll call or the Gov'nor will be really mad."

Carter nodded and got to his feet with his head bowed and shoulders hunched as if to ward of a blow.

"I really am sorry Newkirk. I didn't mean to lose it…"

"Well it's still gone. And the Colonel will still be mad." Newkirk said as he nudged Carter forward so he could keep an eye on him. It would be just like Carter to trip and knock him down again.

They entered the tunnel and slowly put their jump suits on, each dreading what the Colonel would do when they told him they had lost the microfilm from Tinker Bell.

"Oh good, you're back." Kinch said with a smile as Newkirk's head came up over the frame of the bunk.

Newkirk glanced at Kinch and Lebeau, who both set at the table with steaming cups of coffee in their hands.

Carter came up behind him and walked over and sat down on his bunk, a dejected look on his face.

"What is wrong, _mon ami_?" Lebeau asked, starting to get worried that something bad had happened.

"Carter lost the microfilm." Newkirk practically growled the words as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

The door to Colonel Hogan's quarters opened and Hogan walked out, a bright smile on his face.

"How did it go? Got the microfilm?" he asked. His smile vanished as four gloomy faces turned to look at him.

"Now, Gov'nor. You see we may have kind of…" Newkirk started.

"Colonel, don't get too mad at them, they did their best, I'm sure." Kinch put in.

"It wasn't like they did it on purpose, _mon _Colonel." Lebeau stated.

"I lost the microfilm." Carter brought a halt to all the excused.

"You what!?" Hogan glared at Carter and then Newkirk "Where and how did you lose it?" he asked in an irritated voice.

Newkirk nervously shifted his weight from foot to foot.

"Carter tripped, it must 'ave fallen out when he fell. We were about 300 yards from the stump, Sir."

The past week must have finally gotten to Hogan. His eyes lit up with rage as he spoke in harsh tones.

"You knew you had lost it that close to the stump and you just left it out there? Anyone could run across that out there! And if they did our whole operation will be blown sky high!" He turned to Carter, not even stopping to think, "And you! All you had to do was carry the microfilm in your pocket! Can't you do anything right?!" Hogan immediately regretted his words as he looked at Carter's hurt face and heard Lebeau gasp at his outburst. Newkirk and Kinch stared at Hogan in shock.

Carter stood up just as the Barracks door opened.

"Roll Call! Everybody _raus, raus, raus!_ Let's go!" Schultz bellowed as Carter quickly went out the door before the other prisoners.

"_Ein, zwei__, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, acht_..." Schultz counted out loud as everyone stood at a very slopy attention.

Kink came out struting like a peckock crying "Repoooort!"

"_Jawohl Herr Kommandant_! I beg to report that the prisoners are all present and accounted for." Schultz beamed

"Yes, yes, well." He turned to address the prisoners "I have good news! Germany is winning the war!" and he went on to tell how Germany was far superior and bla, bla, bla before he finally called "Diiiis-mised."

After being dismissed from roll call Carter quickly climbed down in the tunnels to his lab.

_~Boy, sometimes I just get so fed-up with these guys I just can't stand it!_

_It's always "Shut up, Carter.", "Hurry up, Carter.", "Not now, Carter." or "Can't you do anything right, Carter." What did I ever do to them, huh? _

_So I'm not very good at some things - well, a lot of things actually - But that doesn't mean you have to jump down my throat every time I open my mouth, does it?_

_If only I could prove to them somehow that I'm not just a naïve goof that's going to mess everything up!  
But how?_

_They always tease me about being clumsy or saying something non-to-bright. And then sometimes they act like I'm a kid or something, which I am definitely not!  
_

_How I wish I was still as naïve as I was when I first joined the Air Force, but you can't go through a war and two POW camps and still be that naïve._

_And I'll be the first to tell you that sometimes I can act a little naïve. Like how I never let on that I know how dangerous a mission could be, or like how I act like I always look on the bright side, when the truth is I don't. I try to, but sometimes…. It just gets to me, you know? I didn't always have it as good as I do now, in the first Stalag I was sent to… Well I don't really want to think about that now…_

_I've never told anyone here but the Colonel about that time… I just couldn't. As far as they know Stalag 5 was just like any other Stalag, and I guess in a lot of ways it was… But that Kommandant… No, I'm not going there._

_Everything is so much better here at Stalag 13._ ~

"There you are Carter."

A startled Carter spun around to face Hogan.

"I… um, I thought you would like to know that LeBeau found the microfilm… he said one of the dogs had it." Hogan said with a hint of confusion in his voice.

A small smile crossed Carters face and he gave a small nod, then glanced down at his boots, not wanting to look Hogan in the eyes.

"Look, Carter..." Hogan shifted uncomfortably "I'm really sorry about the things I said today... I just flew off the handle and said some things that I didn't mean... I really am sorry." Hogan apologized to Carter.

Carter looked Hogan over. He really was sorry.

"Its okay, Colonel." Hogan was very relieved that Carter had forgiven him, he still couldn't believe that he had been so thoughtless.

Then Carter said something that surprised Hogan.

"You guys need someone to vent on." Carter gave a small smile and walked past him to go up top. Leaving a thoughtful Colonel pondering what Carter had just said.

_~Do we really use nagging Carter as an excuse to blow off a little steam? And he knows and understands that? I guess that's why he never pulls rank on Newkirk or Lebeau...~_ Hogan turned to follow after Carter a few moments later and, as he entered the barracks, was greeted by the sound of laughter as Newkirk, Lebeau, Kinch…and Carter set at the table playing gin.

Life was good in Barracks 2 again.


End file.
